In a press statement released earlier today, the CU Boulder Department of Physics announced a shift in departmental focus to mathematics. In the statement, the department described CU Boulder’s long and successful history in physics, noting recent Nobel laureates David Wineland and John Hall.
The department also stated that the “…[physics] department has solved physics, so we’re switching to math. This way, we feel we can make some sh*t up instead.”
The release also mentioned the department found inspiration in the recent paper “Blueberry Earth,” published by Dr. Anders Sandberg at the University of Oxford. “Blueberry Earth” uses math to answer the age-old question ‘what would happen if the entire Earth was instantaneously replaced with blueberries?’
In a personal comment, department chair Dr. Reid Brenner said, “To be frank, we feel we’ve solved physics. There are no more questions to be asked. We simply know everything there is to know about the universe.”
Associate Professor Dr. Maria Linden is excited for the change: “I miss hexadecimals and counting in base two. I’m thinking of making up a base. Base three? Is that one taken?” One sixth-year physics graduate student (who wished to remain anonymous) said, “I’m just going to law school after this anyways.”
Future offerings from the Department of Physics-turned-Mathematics include Discreet Math: Math for Detectives, Literally Just Watching Good Will Hunting, and Taylor (Swift) Series for Beginners.
By Erin Higgins